My sex life :(

True story

A joke.

Ty/gracias

For the math inclined --

SFW:
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side!

NSFW:
What's the square root of 69?
8 something

(Sorry, I'm a bit of a nerd)

Q: What do an eagle and a groundhog have in common?
A: They both live in the ground except for the eagle.

(Sorry, it's the best I can do at 01:00 in the morning)

A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."

The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. To top it off, I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?"

The guy says, "BAD DOG!"

What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper ;P

Two men walk into a bar.
One man orders H2O.
The other says, “I’ll have H2O too.”
The second man dies.

Gamers.

A man walks around the corner. What's missing? The joke...

Why did the melons have a big wedding?

Because they cant elope

There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''

Walks helium into a bar and says to the barkeeper: "Hey, I want a beer!".
The barkeeper answers: "Sorry, but we don't serve noble gases".
He didn't react.

Thanks for sharing madegirl.

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde replies, "that's sweet, doc, but I came here for your medical opinion."

Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think the second one would have paid more attention.

Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!
Stalin: But God does not exist.
Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.

I just learned that apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah that's the one"

I got a ticket today because I was doing a favor to a friend. IF you like dar humor that's hilarious. :D

Late but still - thanks a lot madegirl. It was a surprise.