My worst fear

Oh man, I'm so sorry for your loss. This is just horrible to read.

I wish you and your family a lot of strength to get through this. I hope you can support each other.
May your mother rest in peace.
And I hope your sister gets the help she needs!

This is terrible... my condolences, sincerely. Ive lost my grandma recently (about 2 years now), beyond how devastating it was emotionally both me and my mom got some financial help from her so its been hard- it was enougth to send me spinning so i can only imagine how much harder all this might be for you- out of the blue, how it happened and heck in a way its 2 losses at once.

But i would recommend to you to try to throw away that "useless fuck" concept.
Seriously. That deserves the garbage bin, out of the window, bury that @#$ forever.
Talking from experience
The 'self-isolating' 'gaming adicct' bits are real issues and its a good thing youre aware of then, and as issues. Thats the first step in tackling those problems.
That final part however is a logical jump fallacy. Its a BS self-ingrained negative conclusion that mixes one part as 'cause' (as if that was the cause/explanation to why youre in that situation) and the other is effed up distorted concept of self you ingrained, as if all that was just your nature.
This isnt it.
You reached that point for reasons- how many i cant tell or know since i dont know you, and heck some reasons can be hard to track even personally (heck can be hard for therapists to identify)- but likely multiple reasons and usually a cycle that spireled down to that point. In any case theres no such simple reasons as 'being a useless fuck'. This is a self-defeating narrative, a common false conclusion. I can say that with certainty- been the case for me and pretty much everyone i ever heard those statements.

No one is useless 'by nature'. We can be useless, have been useless for 'reasons'- again, they vary to each person.
Even the sort of worst case scenario like someone with terrible crippling physical or mental conditions from birth is only ever as 'useless' as our society cant handle or offer then conditions where they could show their worth. Idk the actual numbers lets say for every 1000 disabled people(most serious disabilities) we have 1 artist or a Stephen Hawking. The reason we dont have more is because life isnt fair, things dont line up and heck the world isnt made for them and so on...
So that doenst apply even in that case- much less mine or yours.

Good news is we can change that. We can stop being useless. We can win addictions, we can take down our self-imposed barriers.
Im nowhere near your situation right now, heck very few people in the world goes through scenarios like this- what youre going through is hard, will be hard for awhile and your life will definetly change from now on. But im familiar with the situation youve been in until now- and im sure youd agree that right now the least thing you need is all that negative self-defeating baggage that have cursed you thus far.

I struggled with pretty much the same, self-isolation... not really gaming addiction in my case but i go on stretches of mostly gaming all the same (its a simple scape valve easily acessible). I have mental health issues, adhd+light autism and developed chronic depression in my teens... anyway, ive strugled and still struggle with all that, and you can change that. In my case i 'won' over my issues for a time until repeated blunders put me down again- but i at least had a taste of things getting better. I know its possible, ive been there.

Wasnt easy... i had to keep using medication, my problems (and the ones that have no cure for) didnt just go away- but with enougth effort and the right conditions it was almost like 'a cure'. Things lined up for a time with my studies, oportunity- so i also had clear goals and some prospects helping along...

...and that came crashing down. It happens, life sucks- so i went downhill since... but the lesson was learned. I know how much being in that kind of hole becomes self-defeating. How much my own negativity sabotaged me and kept me down. And thankfully ive throw away that stupid self image concept i had- the same one- of being 'useless' or whatever.
That is bs we tell ourselves.

Anyway right now probably isnt the right time to tackle that head on. Right now you have very imediate things you need to handle- your sister, your moms burial, inheritance and whatever other legal woes. Right now you need to focus on navigating this shit storm that happened in your life. But its possible. I have no experience with that but ive met people who had- i once had friend whose father killed her mom (had because my self-isolation i didnt kept in contact). Anyway, i imagine its extremely hard but even a shit storm like this can and do pass.

So focus on that for now- and at least for awhile silence that old tired discourse youre used to repeating to yourself. Youre isoleted, addicted, self-esteem issues? Whatever, just ignore all that baggage for now. The negative toughts that come spiraling, our inner voice... and at least for now DONT THINK AHEAD JUST YET. Dont go on worrying about what will become of the future- no matter what will become of the future will happen regardless, so theres nothing really useful bashing yourself ahead of the time. If things go bad or how bad you will suffer that when it comes, so why suffer earlier? Imagination is extremely powerful and have no limits- our minds can conjure dozens, hundreds of worse possible scenarios... and guess what, only 1 thing will happen and it might be much tamer, far from the worst you had tought... So dont.

and that matters, heck people have done unspeakable or irreversible things reacting to what they feared their future might become... its irrational, like fear.
Dont be irrational right now.
Could also be useful not being overly emotional either... i mean, cry and let out whatever feelings as needed (only real way of letting then go and getting better, shit bottled inside is terrible)- but do it sooner as needed, and once the bulk of it is out shove all that aside and focus on what you need to do imediatly, right now. At least in the first moment... there will be plenty of time to mourn properly like we all need to do later, just try to put things in place right now until whatever dust settles.

Land first. You were just knocked out of your feet and your world, its normal to be shaken, sad, angry, desperate- youre up in the air, it may feel the world is now upside down but its you whove been knocked upside down. First order is landing- doesnt need to land on both feet, not even one, may be on your knees even, doesnt matter, you wont be able to think straight until you land. Solve the imediate things first... one at a time, the most imediate/urgente ahead of you... you can think about it all later.

After that you can start thinking on what to do next-and my strong recomendation seek help (medication, therapy), wich can help. By that point you will be thinking a bit better. You will probablyy still be sad, worried, angry- but it will be toned down, more doable. Wont be easy but kick that bucket, @#$ it, try improving from that even if its the hard way or in the wrong way. Doesnt matter if you fail at first, if it takes too long- as long as youre trying to change the bad conditions youve been in you will be progressing towards solving it and its better then staying stuck with your addiction alone.

Top of it all when that time comes dont compare yourself to others. Yeah we didnt suceed like some people weve know, yeah it may take longer for us... whatever. Life isnt a race, theres no real medals at the end, heck at the end we all go back to the earth all the same, from the top of the world celebrity to a homeless person. Youre the protagonist of your life, that should be your focus- and so long as youre trying to improve to achieve some happiness and suffer less its all worth it.

But definetly you can throw away that 'useless fuck' bit right away. No need to wait for that. The sooner you discard that the better.

I hope things cool down for you sooner rather then later. Give time some time, handle things now, you havent even really reached the stage of proper mourning yet. Dont go prophetizing doom and gloom, youre no prophet, and in such a terrible time you wont see any light ahead anyway, so let the worst of the storm pass first.

If you want to add me on steam to chat or vent later feel free to do so. I wish you good luck

So sorry for you... God will save you from all sufferings... please be strong

Can't wait to see the Netflix episode.

That's a terrible thing to happen...
Sorry for your loss. My condolences.
These may be the most hectic days of your life but I wish you see relief again some time later. Take care.

wishing you strength to hopefully get through these difficult times. this is an extreme example but it never ceases to upset me that so many people are suffering similarly

Very sorry for your huge loss. Wish you all the strength needed to face the present. 🫂

Sorry for your loss, pal.
I hope things get better for you.

I am very sorry for your loss.

For the moment, I guess it's time to have to grow up. Even if it hurts, fins a job, even a shit manual one. Try to help your brother, it sucks, but you are the man of your family now.. Rent that apartment, and even if your sister is a murderer, try to help her as much as you can, even if that help is visit her on prison.

Bump you're not useless, you're you so you're unique, wish you the things sort out gradually as the weeks go by,
sometimes just time can sort out, please don't give up

Just returned home, we buried her

This is absolutely horrible.. I am so sorry. My condolences to you and your family. May your mother rest in peace and may you find some peace within yourself.

I think I know what you feel... I feel very similar things about myself and my hopeless future. Atm I'm living just thanks to and for my dog Gizmo. And my parents who make me still try things and thanks to who I can survive. I have same fears as you had and I can't imagine how hard it is for you now...
RIP for your Mom and please you and your family stay strong!
If you ever wanted to talk to someone let me know!